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| Ok so I had a really intense dream last night and I need to write about it so I can stop thinking about it. If you do not like to hear about death, murder, killing of mice, etc. do not read. My dream was set in the same place I am now, living in this apt., in albany, being a student. The one exception was that one of my neighbors was a serial killer, specifically would rape and murder people. Somehow I knew that this guy did this but no one could prove he was the killer so he still free. Then I was sitting in the kitchen with 2 of my roomates when we hear the lock moving in the front door. We look down the hall and see the killer walk in with rope and lock pick in hand. Incidently this killer looked like one of the Others from Lost-the one that steals Claire when shes pregnant. So we know he's here to kill us and I scream "run" and we all run for the back door to the fire escape. We make it down without him catching us but when I reach the parking lot he catches up to me. I was thinking two things, 1) I was crapping my pants because I didn't want to be murdered and 2) I need to kill this psycho so that way he can never hurt anyone again. There's a struggle and somehow I get my arm around his neck and just pull until I hear something snap and he falls down. dead. I didn't feel guilty, but I was worried what other people would think. Would they agree it was self-defense or would they say it was murder? The dream kept going actually, because I wanted to call the cops but I couldn't find a phone and I kept thinking oh no the longer I wait the more it looks like murder. Anyway needless to say this was a disturbing dream where I was actually watching from inside my own head instead of from an outside disembodied perspective (thats what my dreams normally are). Now for the way this relates to mice part. I think this was my minds way of looking at the way I kill mice. You see I have to snap their necks and I can't feel guilty about it otherwise I wouldn't be able to do my research. However, on some level it does really bother me and when I have to do it a lot of times I feel like *I'm* a serial killer--cold, methodical, uncaring. To get even more pyschoanalytical, in a way that dream was a fight between the two halves of my personality. There is the professional researcher that knows that this will one day benefit the public health and the animal lover who wants to save the mice and find a new job. It looks like the serial killer lost but I was still a murderer so it actually didn't solve the problem it just morphs into a new one. Those are my deep thoughts of the day. Now I have to go into the lab and kill more mice ::sigh::
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| So you might ask what's new with me--and if you wouldn't then you shouldn't be so self centered. Some important updates are that one of the original 4 roommates of my apartment moved out about a month ago to fulfill her dream of accounting on lovely long island. Of course she discovered rather quickly that LI is a rich, snobby, overpriced area with no convenient public transportation. In the mean time she helped us find a new chinese roommate to take her place. The current roomies and I went to the airport and picked up the new girl at 2 am (her flight had been delayed) and brought her back to the apartment and got her settled in. The next day she went to the main campus and spoke to her mentor for her masters. To our shock and surprise she came home that day saying she was moving out and leaving us for an apartment closer to campus to which one of her mentor's student's already lived in. Apparently, her mentor told her she lived too far away from the main campus even though its only a 15 minute bus ride. Why her mentor told her this apartment was a good location over the summer when she told him about it, who knows? She paid for a month's rent and was promptly picked up by one of her lab mates. Of course this left us in a sticky situation of needing to find a new roommate on very short notice. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel. An incoming first year in our program currently lives about an hour away and is looking for a cheap place to crash during the week. We were connected through the department office and now she is interested in living with us. She is coming by tomorrow to check the place out and meet us. Also, she just moved here from Ireland!! Eeeeeee! I want her to move for the sole purpose of listening to her accent. In other news the girls in my lab are taking me out tomorrow after work. They have all been super supportive about my bf being in another country and have all been determined not to let me feel lonely or depressed. I don't know what we're going to do but it should be a good time. Other upcoming events include my mom and aunt visiting this weekend. We had planned to go to a very beautiful nature preserve to embark on some hiking and bird watching, however, it is supposed to rain this weekend so we might have to fall back to plan B. Sadly, we never came up with plan B. The following weekend my friend from home plans to come up for a visit The apartment might even be slightly more presentable soon due to the long awaited installation of new windows. The landlord has been promising everyone on my block new windows for at least a year now. To my joy they started the job last week and appear to be about half way to completion. They are working from the ground up and seeing as we are on the 3rd floor of a 3 story building my apartment won't get done until near the end. Hopefully after a few more weeks it will be done. That would make the living room a lot more liveable and thus better suited to having guests over. Woo Hoo. Otherwise, life in the lab is the same. Classes start up again next week. I am doing well and watching futurama in my free time. That will all change soon when I start into my hardcore reading...fantasy novels that is. Oh Borders you terrible glutinous mass to which I lose so much of my earnings! ::shakes fist:: | | |
| Big news everyone....I finally pierced my ears! I know you all thought I would continue to chicken out forever and never actually go ahead with it--so, in your face(s)! Also, I did it all by myself on a whim while at the mall. Now I just hope that I can keep myself from touching my ears and infecting or accidently ripping them out. I'm clumsy so anything could happen. In other news I'm not as depressed as I was earlier this week. Things always look better after a good nights rest...at least for me. Erm ok that's really all I wanted to say. Thanks for tuning in. | | |
| This weekend I went home to go to a bridal shower for a friend of mine from high school. It's really weird for me to think about someone my age getting married. However, in her case it makes sense seeing as how she's been with this guy for 5 years and they've been living together for at least 2 years. I duno, the thought of being an adult is a bit scary to me. I keep realizing certain things will never be the same and it saddens me. Like the fact that I will never have another summer vacation and that I basically have a real job now. Seeing my family this weekend was also nice because I really treasure being close with the few family members I know well. Also, I consider my mom to be one of my best friends so it's always nice to see her. I feel like I'm in this weird transition period right now. I'm not a kid anymore but I don't feel like an adult either. I kinda suck at transition so I've been cycling through depressed periods. Half my problems are in my head but those are usually the most difficult to solve. Anyway the bridal shower was just lots of eating and watching the bride to be open up presents and catching up with some people I haven't spoken to in a while. Later that night I tried my best to see all my other close friends that weren't at the shower but in the end it turned out to be too much for one night so it just felt too rushed. All in all it was a good weekend but there was not enough sleeping involved. I got back pretty early today but ended up doing nothing all day...although I don't regret napping. I should have watched a movie after all. Oh well. And now I'm not even going to get enough sleep for tomorrow bleh. G'nite | | |
| Wow I have already managed to miss my first class and it's only the first day of classes. However, this time it is not my fault! I showed up for my neuro class 10 minutes early and waited around for 45 minutes and no one showed up. I knew it was going to be a very small class but I didn't think that meant non-existent. So I just finished emailing some people about what's going on and have rechecked the schedule of classes a few times and now theres nothing left to do. I feel all discombobulated (sp?) now and I wonder if there was a room change that they didn't update online. Oh well, I hope this doesn't mean the class was cancelled cuz I was the only one who signed up or something like that. Hmmm I will now use my free time to sit at teh DMV and hopefully finally replace my registration that's been lost in the mail. Wish me luck on figuring out the mystery of the missing class. The End | | |
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